The Sound of Silence
by ZaKai
Summary: Some secrets aren't meant to be kept. [This story deals with the serious issue of child abuse.][abusive RoyEd] COMPLETE
1. Questions

**A/N: **Please be aware that **this story addresses the serious issue of child abuse. **This story also contains **same sex situations. **If you feel uncomfortable with either of these, I would invite you to refrain from reading this story. I have no desire to hurt or offend anyone.

**This story is a** **divergence** story, _and_ a very tiny bit alternative universe. It is pretty much **the same up until after Barry the Chopper, after that it is completely different.** One major change to be aware of is that there are no homunculi.

**-**

**The Sound of Silence**

**Prologue**

**-  
****Questions**

-

First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye turned off the car and listened as the rain beat heavily on the thin metal roof. It made a hollow sound that seemed to reverberate through her whole being. She wanted this all to be over; just wanted it all to be a bad dream.

But it was no dream.

There would be no waking up, no escape from this living nightmare.

Thunder boomed, followed immediately by a flash of lightning, and she felt a chill pass through her. Despite the uniform and the heavy black trench coat, the cold damp weather was seeped into her, taking its toll on her body.

Grabbing the keys, she pulled them from the ignition and opened the door. Without bothering with an umbrella, Riza hurried through the raging storm to the building. The rain was cold and it drenched her hair and overcoat, but it didn't matter. This storm would soon be gone, leaving the world a cleaner, fresher place.

Opening the door and stepping inside the prison, she felt as though she were entering the real storm. But there was nothing natural about this one; the world wouldn't be better for it.

With trembling fingers, she brushed at the damp strands of blonde hair stuck to her face, as she spoke briefly with one of the guards. They knew who she was; they were expecting her.

When she'd called to request a visit with the prisoner, they'd denied her access; said she was wasting her time. He hadn't said anything, and he wasn't going to; not to them, and not to her.

Not that it mattered.

He was guilty.

Plain and simple.

But still, she requested the visit. It had taken time and a lot of pressure on her part, but after pulling every string she could, Riza had finally gotten her request granted.

Two guards were chosen to escort her. They lead her to a heavy metal door which unlocked with a small electric clicking sound. As the door opened, a long sterile hallway was reveled that seemed to stretch on forever.

They passed through the doorway and after a moment the loud booming of the closing door reverberated through the cold, gray walls of the hallway, making her shudder. She wondered if this was how it would feel being shut up in a tomb… But then, wasn't that what this place was?

A grave for the living?

A place to put society's unwanted population.

The living dead…

The sound of their shoes against the hard floor echoed hollowly around them as the guards led her down a dim corridor to a small, cold interrogation room. A small flimsy table sat in the middle of the floor with a metal chair on each side. She pulled one of the chairs out, sat down, then grimaced. The cold from the chair oozed through her clothing and touched her skin in a violating manner that made her want to stand. When they left her alone to retrieve the prisoner, she rubbed her hands together trying to generate some feeling in them.

Riza waited, shifting uncomfortably on the chair. She tried to be patient, but she was failing miserably. Nervous apprehension caused her heart to pound heavily in her chest. Would she be able to get him to talk to her, to tell her why he had done it…

Three days ago she would have never thought this was what she'd be doing with her Friday night.

No.

Not at all.

It seemed her whole world had been turned upside-down since it happened. At first she had felt shock and disbelief, but that had slowly given way to hurt and confusion. She had so many questions… The blonde woman didn't know what was going to happen, and although she was desperately trying to get information from those in authority, a part of her didn't want to know. Part of her just wanted to separate herself from all of this.

Her feelings were so conflicted…

The sound of a lock clicking met her ears and she looked up to see the door open and a guard walk in. Behind him, a short eighteen-year-old with greasy blond hair, held up in a pony tail, walked in as he was prodded by another guard from behind.

Ed's hands were locked securely in a large slat of iron that kept his palms from touching. Heavy chains ran down from his wrists to his feet, and then from foot to foot. The eighteen year old looked pale and tired; dark circles under his eyes betrayed the fact that he hadn't been sleeping. The bland gray of the prison clothes didn't help his appearance at all, making him look washed out and dead… just like the rest of this place.

The guards had her stand while one of them pulled the table onto its side and folded the legs under it. Apparently it was for her 'safety'. He leaned the now flat table against one wall and slid two of the chairs beside it.

When he was finished, the guard sat the remaining two chairs in a way that they were facing each other, but not within touching range.

So many precautions were being taken.

She didn't blame them.

They were afraid of what he was capable of, but she wasn't. What had been done, hadn't been done with alchemy. She didn't believe he would try to hurt her.

Or perhaps…

She didn't want to believe it…

The guards had Ed sit in one of the chairs and she sat in the other before they moved to one side of the room to stand watch.

"Would you please leave us?" Riza asked. If these men were in the room, she knew for certain that Ed would hold his tongue. If they left, she might have a chance.

The two men looked at each other nervously, then one said, "Ma'am… Are you sure you want to be left alone with him? He's a very dangerous alchemist…"

"I'm not afraid," she responded in clipped tones. If only she believed it… "Please go." The two men looked at each other again, but finally did as she requested.

Riza sighed tiredly, and gazed hard at the young alchemist again. His eyes were cast down in his lap, refusing to look at her. Here was the cause of all the trouble. Why had he done it? She didn't know.

No one knew.

He'd refused to talk to anyone about it… about anything.

Riza doubted there would even be a trial.

He had done it.

There were witnesses.

His own brother was one of them…

But _why_ he had done it still remained a mystery, and Riza wouldn't rest until she found out.

"You don't look very good," she said softly. His head lifted slightly, and he peered at her through greasy bangs.

For a moment she didn't think he'd say anything, but he surprised her by whispering, "Neither do you…"

The lieutenant smiled ruefully. "I guess that's true."

An uneasy silence filled the room for few long minutes before she spoke again. "Alphonse has been staying with me."

That seemed to get his attention and his head lifted so that he looked her in the eyes. He didn't need to speak for her to know the question that was on his mind.

"He's doing okay, but... He hasn't slept well, and I think he's getting sick. You know his little body is still quite frail…" She trailed off at the look of anguish in his eyes. Of course Ed knew how frail Al's body was. He was the one who had gotten it back after all.

Riza decided not to tell Ed about Al's nightmares, about the terrified screaming in the middle of the night that she couldn't calm him from… From how the teenager was taking what she'd already said, she wasn't sure he'd be able to handle it.

Too much guilt.

"Ed…" Riza began gently. "I… I need to know…"

The alchemist looked down into his lap, but he didn't look away quickly enough for her to not catch the look of fear and shame in his eyes.

"Please…" Her voice caught and she stopped. The blonde woman had no desire to cry in front of him, but try as she might the tears formed and one trickled down her cheek. "I just don't understand Ed…"

"No one understands…" his tortured whisper tore at her already wounded heart.

She blinked and another tear silently escaped her eye. "We would if you'd just _tell_ us."

"You say you want to know, but you really don't. If I tell you, you'll wish you never knew…" he said quietly.

She pressed her lips together for a moment. She wanted to know, but she was afraid too. She had to decide…

Finally she said, her voice shaking, "Ed, I want to know."

With eyes filled with an unknown suffering, he looked at her, then away again, but in that moment she saw him consider her request. "Ed…" Riza whispered, "Please…tell me why you killed Colonel Mustang…"

**

* * *

**

**Please Review. **Your feedback is worth more than I can say, and would be very much appreciated.


	2. Secrets

**A/N: this story moves rather quickly through the years, just to give a heads up about the need to pay attention to that. The "six years earlier" is the only pointer that will be given toward time change.**

-

**The Sound of Silence**

**Chapter One**

**Secrets**

**-**

_**Six years earlier...**_

Ed looked down at the pavement as he walked along the streets of East City, home of the military's Eastern Headquarters.

It was dark.

Of course it was dark.

It was the middle of the night.

The twelve year-old alchemist kicked at a small pebble that just happened to be in his way and watched it clatter noisily off the sidewalk and into the empty street.

That was how he felt.

Empty.

How appropriate.

Ed sighed and adjusted his long, red coat so that it was pulled more tightly around him; the hoody part of the coat falling into his eyes for a moment before he could readjust it on his head. Irritably, he decided it just wasn't worth the trouble and let the top of the hoody fall just in front of his eyes.

He was looking down anyway…

It was a cold, windy night.

_Of course_ it was cold and windy; it was near the end of autumn…

But it was more than that… It was cold and windy because the world hated him.

Plain and simple.

At least that was how he felt.

Nothing seemed to be going his way; nothing at all. But then wasn't that just the way his whole life was? Not that he was going to give up.

No way.

But it was still frustrating.

Well, Ed supposed he couldn't say _nothing _was going his way… He _did_ pass the state exam a couple of months ago. That was something, right? But then there was all that horrible stuff with Nina and Tucker, and then what happened with Barry the Chopper…

The boy didn't think he'd ever been so scared in his life…

Well, maybe when he and Al had tried to… but that was a different kind of fear…

Now though, he and Al had a purpose. They had a plan… They'd find the Philosopher's Stone and get Al back to normal.

A particularly cold breeze made Ed hug himself even tighter.

He'd thought it would be much easier than it had been. Ed had expected to find it within at least a few months. That's the way everything had always been for him. Study, search, find. But the stone was proving to be extremely difficult.

Ed sighed. They _would_ find it, and he _would_ get Al back to normal. His brother always said 'us' or 'we', but that wasn't the way he thought. Maybe Al would get back to normal.

But not him.

He just couldn't believe he'd get back to normal. This was his punishment for what he'd done. Ed supposed he could live with that as long as he could get things right with Al, that's all that mattered.

Thunder rumbled overhead, but Ed didn't bother speeding up his pace. Even if he got rained on, it was better than lying in bed, tossing and turning, not being able to sleep.

Ed sighed.

He hated East City. He'd much rather report in at Central, but no… _someone_ had to get themselves promoted and sent east. Even then, Ed would still rather report into Central…

Ed couldn't deny the fact that had it not been for his commanding officer, he'd probably still be moping around back in Rizembool, probably without the automail as well. The appearance of that man on that night had given him the idea.

A purpose.

But…

There were times that the colonel just acted…strange. The man would look at him…differently. Ed wasn't sure what to make of it. Mustang never looked at him like that when there were other people around, just when they were alone…

The blond frowned at the sidewalk as it became lighter; pale colors of neon lights that belonged to the city's night life of bars and clubs made the ground glow in faint colors.

Ed he didn't know how he should react to the older alchemist. The looks were almost like ones he'd seen the man give to women passing on the street… But then that would make no sense. The colonel liked women, and Ed was definitely no woman… Besides that, Ed didn't consider himself all that good looking, especially with the automail. Then there was the fact that he was freakishly short, twelve years-old, _and _the man's subordinate.

The boy shook his head. He just didn't understand…

When he heard some people laughing raucously, Ed picked up his pace. This wasn't an area he wanted to be in so late at night.

Suddenly, someone called his name and he stopped.

"Ed?"

The blond turned around, and lifted his gaze, but the cowl of his hood made it impossible to see. Grunting in irritation, Ed was about to pull his hands out of his pockets to adjust the hood when it was lifted and placed in a less precarious position on his head.

"I thought it was you…" Roy Mustang muttered.

"Well, _duh_! How many other people do you know that dress like I do?" Ed replied irritably. He wasn't exactly happy about having the man he had just been thinking about appear. The blond looked the man up and down then said, "You look nice… Been out on a date?"

Mustang, who was dressed in a nice pair of dress slacks and a gray button up shirt, grinned and said, "You think I look nice?"

Ed rolled his eyes and glanced away. Besides those looks, the colonel had been giving him when they were alone; there were also the casual comments…nothing too out of place and definitely nothing that was actually inappropriate, but…

"To answer your question, yes I _was_ on a date, but she left earlier…the story of my life…" the last was muttered and Ed almost didn't hear it.

"So why are you still here?" Ed asked, nodding at the nightclub.

The twenty-six year-old shrugged and grinned. "That _is_ a good question. Perhaps it was time that I left."

Ed pulled his coat closer around himself. "I'm taking a walk by _myself_." He wanted to wallow in his self pity alone, and he _especially_ didn't want his creepy commanding officer walking with him.

But when Ed turned around and began walking away, Mustang fell into step beside him. Irritably Ed growled, "Alone means _one_ person. Maybe they should make sure soldiers can count before they're promoted…"

"Well Ed, it _is _late at night, and it could be dangerous for you to be out alone. I'm just doing my job to make sure you're safe.

"What a load of crap…" Ed muttered.

Neither of them spoke for a while as they left the bars and nightclubs behind them, then Mustang said, "You know… my apartment isn't too far from here… I make a pretty decent cup of coffee…"

Something warm _did _sound good, but that would mean going to where the colonel lived…

"Why would I want coffee? It's after one in the morning," Ed muttered grumpily.

"Because it's cold outside," the man said, undisturbed by the blond's moodiness. "I thought maybe you'd like to warm up."

No… Ed wasn't sure he wanted to go to the colonel's place, but it _was _cold… and something warm _would_ be nice…

"I have hot chocolate too…"

Suddenly a drop of rain landed on his nose, then another on his cheek. It was only beginning to sprinkle, but it would probably get worse and soon.

Sighing, Ed nodded. Mustang put a hand on the younger boy's shoulder as if to guide him which way to go. Ed shrugged his shoulder, but the man kept his hold there for a moment, then ran his hand along Ed's back before taking his hand away. One more oddity to add to the list…

Mustang casually touching him every so often…

Though he would never admit it out loud, sometimes it was nice, like when it was a pat on the back for something good he did, but sometimes it happened at the strangest times, for no real reason…

And, of course, it only happened when they were alone together.

When the colonel turned a corner, Ed followed and they began walking toward a tall apartment building. It took about five minutes to get there and when they walked into the foyer Ed crinkled his nose.

One wall was covered with small boxes for mail and the other wall held a faded picture of… something… Ed wasn't sure. The paint on the walls, which looked as if it had once been tan, but was now a putrid smoky color, was pealing and cracked in many places. There were a couple of worn pieces of furniture and a small table where a group of men sat smoking and playing cards; a bottle of some sort of alcohol sat on the table.

"We'll have to take the stairs," Mustang said. "The elevator is broken."

Ed was only too glad to get into the stairwell. The men at the table had ceased their game and had started grinning lecherously at him. A couple even chuckled and whispered something about 'sharing'… whatever that meant…

After five flights of stairs they left the stairwell and walked down a narrow hallway with doors on either side. The walls were a sort of faded pinkish color and there were smears of dirt and … other colors… Ed didn't know…he didn't even want to guess.

"Here we are," Mustang said and pulled some keys from his pocket. The chipped, brass colored number on the door read 5-13. Ed, now feeling slightly nervous, almost turned around and left, but the thought of the group of men stopped him. It wasn't as if he couldn't defend himself if he had to but…

Thoughts of what happened with Barry the Chopper filled him with an unexplainable dread… Memories of running for his life, of a fear he'd never known before…

"You going to stand out in the hall all night?" the colonel's voice brought the short alchemist out of his thoughts.

Ed slipped inside and shut the door behind him. The apartment was a small studio apartment, and the only light on was the one in the kitchen. There was a couch that looked as if it doubled for a bed, given the pillow and the blanket piled sloppily on one side.

On each side of the couch was a small end table. A desk sat near a window on the far end of the room. The desk had a pile of books on it as well as a couple of pictures and a bottle of some sort of alcohol. There was a garbage can next to the desk that held papers and beer bottles; a few of the empty brown bottles dotted the floor near the desk and the couch.

In the corner opposite the desk lay a mound of books and papers and by that, against the wall opposite the couch was a small rack where the colonel's uniform and other articles of clothes were kept. Also hanging from the rack was the colonel's gun holster complete with the gun.

Ed shook his head, both at the irresponsible way the colonel treated the weapon, and the fact that he carried one at all. Supposedly, the rational was that even a trained State Alchemist might need a back up. Ed had asked about the gun one day, and that was when he'd first learned that Mustang's flame alchemy didn't work in the rain.

"So, hot chocolate?" asked Mustang.

Ed looked over to the other side of the flat where the dark haired man stood in the middle of a small kitchen. He shrugged and nodded, then frowned when the colonel grinned at him before turning to making their drinks.

"Can't you afford something better than _this_?" Ed finally asked when he couldn't take it anymore.

"Of course," the colonel said casually. "But this is cheap, and it's away from where I work. I prefer it here. Besides, I want to get something nicer when I go back to Central, so I'm saving my money. It's not as important to keep up appearances here."

"I guess…" the boy muttered.

"Why don't you have a seat?" Mustang invited as he continued to work in the kitchen. Ed looked uncertainly at the couch which, besides the chair at the desk, was the only place to sit. "Don't worry, it's clean," the colonel said when he saw Ed's reluctance, then added, "Take off your coat and hang it over there." Ed looked to the set of hooks on the wall where the man's coat hung.

Sighing, Ed peeled his damp coat off and hung it on one of the hooks before heading to the couch. Cleanliness wasn't what was bothering the young alchemist. Ed sat stiffly on the edge of one end of the couch, leaving plenty of space so that the colonel could sit farther away on the other side.

When the dark haired man was finished in the kitchen he walked over, and handed Ed a mug before sitting next to him. Ed frowned at the close proximity, and would have scooted away from the man had he not already been at the end of the couch.

The twelve year-old watched the colonel take a drink from the brown beer bottle before taking a sip of his hot chocolate.

"So, why are you out so late?" Mustang asked, reclining back and stretching his legs out.

Ed took another sip, unsure what to say. He was out because he couldn't sleep, and he felt the need to move. Tossing and turning in bed only worried Al, who never slept at all. His brother was probably worried right now given how the weather was turning sour.

"Couldn't sleep huh?" the older man asked, and Ed gave him a surprised look. Mustang grinned and took another drink from the bottle. "That's what I thought." The boy looked down at his mug. For some reason, Ed felt embarrassed that he could be seen through so easily. Suddenly he felt a hand start rubbing his back softly, and he stiffened. "Don't worry about it Ed, we all get that way sometimes."

It felt strange to have the other man touch him like that, but it was also comforting in a way. The only person who had ever really touched him in a comforting gesture since his mom had died was Al. Ed loved Al, of course, but there was definitely a difference between hard metal and the soft touch of flesh and blood.

Ed took another sip, his emotions conflicting with each other. As much as the blond wanted to tell the man to keep his hands to himself, he also desperately craved human contact.

They sat that way for a few minutes, Ed sipping on the cooling chocolate drink, and the older man rubbing his back.

"You miss her don't you?" the colonel asked softly.

It wasn't a question.

Ed swallowed hard and asked, "What do you mean…?"

"Your mother. You miss her."

The boy blinked down at the mug as tears came to his eyes. "I…." The statement had just been so unexpected that he didn't know what to say or how to act, but suddenly he felt much worse than he had all night…

Ed felt the man move closer to him, then the colonel was taking the cup out of his hands and putting it on the end table. "It's okay Ed," Mustang whispered and put his arms around the boy and pulled him back away from the edge of the couch. At first Ed resisted, but not much. It _did_ feel good to have someone holding him…

Ed rested his head on Mustang's chest as the older man began rubbing his back again. The blond boy worked hard to keep the tears back. He didn't want the colonel to see him cry… Ed could hear Mustang's heart beating and it kind of reminded him of when he was little and his mom would hold him and…

Again Ed felt the tears come, and again he tried to blink them away, but one stray tear escaped his eye and fell onto Mustang's shirt. It was then that Ed felt the colonel's hand slip under his jacket. The boy could feel the man's hand more clearly now since the tank top wasn't nearly as thick as the jacket. Ed felt the colonel's fingers touch the skin on his shoulder and below his neck then move back down over the tanktop again.

Mustang drank the rest of the beer and tossed the bottle on the floor where it rolled a bit until it clunked against another bottle, then the man put his other hand on Ed's leg and started rubbing it slowly as well.

Ed stiffened a little; this definitely wasn't the kind of touching he was used to…

"It's okay Ed…" the dark haired man whispered, and pulled the boy even closer. "We all need to be comforted sometimes. Even I need someone to hug." The twelve year-old swallowed and nodded. "How about this… I'll comfort when you need it, if you'll let me hold you when I need it. It would be like…equivalent exchange…would that be okay?" With Ed's head pressed against the man's chest, he could hear Mustang's heart beginning to beat faster. The dark haired man's breathing was becoming a little irregular too.

Ed nodded reluctantly. The request just seemed…odd…but it would be nice to have someone hold him sometimes… Ed sighed; his body was tense from the unaccustomed contact.

"Just _relax_… I'm not going to hurt you…" the older alchemist whispered. After a few more minutes Ed was able to do just that, but it didn't last.

The blond boy felt Mustang's hand slide up his leg and to the part of his rear that wasn't pressed against the couch, and again he stiffened. "Don't worry… I'm not going to tell anyone about this so you can relax okay? It will be our secret…"

Again, Ed wondered if he should tell the man to stop…he was feeling really weird about this, but…no one touched him anymore, no one held him or hugged him…and it really did feel nice to be held even if the way Mustang was doing it was a bit…different.

"Right Ed?"

"Huh?"

"This will be our secret, right?"

"Um, yeah…" Of course he didn't want people to know that he was being childish by letting the colonel hug him like a little boy…but then he didn't want to tell anyone about _how_ Mustang was touching him either…it was just too strange…

"Promise me Ed, promise you won't tell _anyone_," the older man pressed.

"I promise…but you have to too," Ed said quickly. He didn't want the colonel to tease him about being a baby or something in front of everyone.

"Oh, I promise. You can be sure of it."

**

* * *

**

_Child abuse, or any kind of abuse, is a serious issue. If you, or someone you know, is being abused, please find someone you can trust and tell them._

**--**

**Please Review**


	3. Equivalent Exchange

**A/N:** I would just like to restate the warning given in the prologue. This story contains child abuse situations that (including sexual abuse). This story is not a romance. It will not become a romance. This story is meant to address child abuse and its affect on the victim(s).

**The Sound of Silence**

**Chapter Two**

**Equivalent Exchange**

"A false lead…" Ed murmured as he stared out the train window.

"It's alright, brother. I'm sure we'll find another one…"

Ed's moved his eyes to stare at the suit of armor that held his brother's soul, then back out the window. "I had to charge all those damages to the military…" he muttered.

"It's okay. I'm sure the colonel will understand when you tell him about what happened…"

The blond sighed and continued to gaze glumly out the window at the passing scenery. Yes, he was _sure_ Mustang would understand, _after _the dark-haired man had reprimanded him in front of everyone for wasting their budget.

Yes, after that he would be _very_ understanding.

After his office was empty and everyone had gone about their duties, _then_ he'd be understanding. The man would probably apologize for embarrassing him in front of everyone and then he'd…

The twelve-year-old swallowed hard.

It had been almost two months since that night at the colonel's apartment. The night had ended with Ed mumbling that he'd better get back or Al would come and find him. Mustang had walked him out to the front of the building after Ed had insisted on it. Though he hadn't been able to admit it to his commanding officer, the men in the foyer scared him; reminded him in a frightening way of Barry the Chopper…

The men had a hungry look in their eyes...

Since then, they'd had over a dozen other 'cuddling sessions' as Ed was beginning to think of them, since they usually involved hugging and Mustang running his hands over Ed's body. The younger alchemist felt a slight blush of embarrassment tinge his cheeks. It seemed the man always had to touch him everywhere… especially his rear.

It really seemed odd, and it was a bit uncomfortable, but he supposed it wasn't _that _big of a deal… it was just his butt…

No matter how hard he tried to convince himself, Ed knew that it just wasn't normal. How should he deal with it? He didn't know. The short alchemist supposed he could just tell the man not to, but…

Ed looked down at the snowy ground as it sped by.

But…

But…he liked it.

Shame filled him, not for the first time, and he tried not to think about it. Unfortunately, he could think of nothing else. He felt so confused. Was there something wrong with him? It wasn't okay to like it, was it? Ed shook his head. No, he was making too big of a deal out of this. There was nothing to worry about.

Really.

It was just his butt…

* * *

"Well, Ed, congratulations on becoming the biggest drain on our departmental budget," Mustang said in irritation, then flopped the report down on his desk.

"I already _told_ you what happened. It's not like it was _our_ fault," Ed mumbled.

"Do you have any idea what this is costing?" the colonel barked.

"Do you have any idea that I don't care?" the boy replied snidely.

Mustang pressed his fingers against his forehead and let out an exasperated breath. "Perhaps you'll care about this… A lot of paperwork is going to need to be filed to cover up exactly _why _you were there in the first place. It isn't just the _amount_ of paperwork, it's _what's in_ the paperwork. You know, I don't just file away blank pieces of paper. I _do_ have to report to General Grumman, who just happens to be pretty interested in what is happing under his command."

The dark-haired man glared at Ed, then turned to look at the blonde woman who was listening to their conversation. "Lieutenant, would you please go to Records and pick up a few things for me?" Mustang began writing something on a piece of paper. When he was finished, he handed it to Hawkeye who took it with a nod. "Fullmetal and I are going to have ourselves a little talk."

The woman nodded curtly. "I'll tell the others you're not to be disturbed."

"Thanks," the colonel said as the lieutenant closed the door behind her.

For a moment there was silence in the room, then Mustang sighed and said, "Come here."

Ed folded his arms and looked away stubbornly.

"Edward…" the colonel coaxed softly.

The blond sighed in defeat and pushed himself off the couch before slowly walking around the desk and in front of the other man. Mustang sat forward in his chair, bringing himself eyelevel with the small twelve-year-old.

"Ed…" the man breathed and raised his hands to the boy's hips. "I don't appreciate the attitude you're giving me about this."

The young alchemist fidgeted a little under the intense stare the man was giving him, and also under his touch. "What do you want?" Ed mumbled. "An apology?"

The colonel looped his fingers through Ed's belt loops and pulled him forward. "Sit."

Ed hesitated. "On your lap?"

"That's right."

The boy looked uncertainly at the door.

"Don't worry. No one is coming in here. Now sit," the man said, and pulled on the belt loops again.

Ed reluctantly did as he'd been asked and grumbled a bit as the colonel situated him on his lap with his back toward the other man. The small alchemist tried to move, he was sitting right on a lump… probably the colonel's watch…and it was kind of uncomfortable, but whenever he tried to move, Mustang always moved him back.

"Stay there," the dark-haired man growled testily. Ed sighed in exasperation. He'd just have to live with it for now. His commanding officer touched the inside of Ed's thigh and rubbed his fingers back and forth lightly against the leather pants. "Ed… I'm really disappointed in you. After all I've done to keep yours and Alphonse's secret safe, you give me all this additional paperwork and not even a word of thanks." Ed felt Mustang's other hand pull out his tank top, then run up against Ed's side. "You _know_ how I hate paperwork…"

The small boy nodded, and squirmed a little under the touching.

"I really think you owe me for this Ed…" Mustang murmured into his ear, then kissed it softly.

Ed blinked in surprise. The man had _kissed_ him… On the ear, but it was still a kiss… He didn't even know what to think, but all thoughts of the kiss left his mind when he felt the hand on his thigh slide up and touch his groin. The small boy's eyes widened and his head jerked back a little in shock. Ed's mouth opened as he gasped for more air, then he said shakily, "What are you doing?"

"Don't you like it?" Mustang asked blandly.

He stiffened.

Like it?

The man was…

He was…

It was a humiliating question that Ed didn't want to answer. Yes… Yes, it felt good… But he hated it... Ed desperately wanted to tell the man to stop, but he couldn't make himself do it.

The colonel was rocking his hips and breathing hard into the short boy's ear. "Ed… I want you to come over to my place tonight."

"What?" Ed gasped.

"Tonight... You owe me."

The boy squirmed nervously under Mustang's fondling. "I don't _owe_ you…"

"You _owe_ me for keeping your secret and covering your ass when you get into situations like this. It's equivalent exchange. Now, tonight… the same time you've come over before, alright?" When Ed nodded, the colonel rocked his hips one last time, then pushed the boy off his lap.

"Tonight then…" Mustang grinned. "You might want to pretend you're angry when you leave or someone will wonder why your cheeks are all red."

Ed slapped a hand to his face and felt himself flush even more in embarrassment. He was about to leave when the colonel grabbed him and pulled his long red coat closed. "Don't forget to cover up…" he said, then swatted Ed on the rear.

Cover up?

It was only when Ed looked down did he realize that he had become aroused; only then did he feel the tightness of his leather pants pressing against him… In humiliation, Ed grabbed his coat for a moment, then stormed out of the office.

"Edward!" the blond lieutenant, who was just coming back from her errand, called sternly.

"What?" Ed growled. He felt so embarrassed and ashamed of himself. How could he let himself get like that in front of the colonel? Why had the man touched him there to begin with? He felt so confused, and angry, and…

And…

"Edward, you should really be more respectful," the woman said, looking down at him. "He has your best interest in heart; yours and Alphonse's."

Ed only looked away in frustration.

Maybe that was true…

Maybe.

He just didn't know right now.

"You may not realize it," the blonde woman continued, "but he cares a lot for both of you boys. Why don't you try letting him be your friend for once?"

"Whatever…" Ed muttered and stalked away from the lieutenant. The boy thought he was letting the colonel be plenty friendly with him…

* * *

"Hot chocolate?"

Ed shrugged and hung his red coat on a hook near the door. He wasn't very cold after running up five flights of steps.

The men downstairs had started propositioning him as soon as he'd walked into the foyer. Didn't those psychos have anything better to do at night than to sit downstairs playing cards and drinking booze?

"Okay, hot chocolate it is," Mustang said behind him. Ed turned to go sit on the couch when the dark-haired man said, "Why don't you take off your jacket too, you won't be needing it."

He wouldn't be needing it?

Ed stared at the man for a moment before slowly doing as he said, then made his way to the couch. Putting his elbows on his knees, Ed rested his chin in his hands and watched his commanding officer stir the contents of the mug. The dark-haired man picked the mug up from the counter with one hand and a bottle in the other and headed over toward the couch.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, Mustang drinking his beer, Ed clanking the spoon around in the chocolate, but not drinking it.

"I could have gotten you something else…"

Ed looked over at the colonel and muttered, "No…this is fine…" then took a small sip of the warm liquid.

The boy thought vaguely that maybe if he never finished his cocoa, perhaps he'd never have to have the man's hands on him; never have to pay whatever debt the colonel seemed to think Ed owed him.

He sighed.

Maybe he _did_ owe him. Mustang did cover up a lot of things for him… Perhaps the man was right. Perhaps it was only fair; only equivalent exchange.

"How about we put that aside?" It wasn't until Mustang spoke to him that Ed realized the drink had gone cold. The older man lifted the mug from Ed's hands, leaned over the boy, and set it on the end table. With the cup out of his hands, the colonel wrapped his arms around Ed's shoulders and scooted him closer.

"I really did miss you while you were away," Mustang whispered into Ed's ear, then moved his lips down to kiss the boy's neck.

The younger alchemist stiffened slightly, but the other man didn't stop there. Ed felt large hands move under his shirt, and when one traveled down to fondle him through his pants, he gasped softly.

"I know you like that." Ed could feel the other man's hot breath on his neck as he whispered to him. "You're a very bad boy aren't you? What would your mother think if she knew…?" Tears of shame sprang unbidden to the small boy's eyes. "And Alphonse…what would _he _think?"

Ed's breathing was shallow and quick as he silently willed himself not to get an erection. He didn't want to enjoy this…

Mustang undid the boy's belt, then pulled Ed's pants and boxers down to his knees. The blond looked down for a moment, then turned his gaze away in self-hatred.

His body had betrayed him…

"Yes, you _are_ naughty, aren't you?" Mustang murmured. "Who would have thought it of you, Ed?"

The boy felt blood rush to his face in embarrassment. It wasn't like that. It wasn't. He hated what the man was doing to him, but he didn't want him to stop either. His body begged for more, and his psyche craved attention, but the revulsion and confusion he felt was tearing him apart.

_This _wasn't what he wanted. He hadn't ever wanted this. He'd just wanted someone to care for him and hold him and…

"Come on, Ed. _Say_ it. Tell me you like it," the colonel whispered in his ear. Gasping at the sensations he was feeling from Mustang's fondling, Ed shook his head. He couldn't…he just couldn't…

He panted heavily through his mouth, and a tear rolled down his cheek in humiliation as his body climaxed without his consent. The other man ran his tongue along Ed's face where the tear had fallen, then kissed the boy on the temple.

"You really are quite the little whore aren't you?" the dark-haired man murmured.

Ed cringed slightly at the words. It wasn't like that…not at all… He felt sick to his stomach and just wanted to go home…

The colonel slid his hand down to Ed's and put the boy's hand on the fabric covering his own erection. "Now, Ed," Mustang whispered, "It's my turn."

* * *

Ed shut the door quietly. Not that it mattered. Alphonse never slept.

"You were gone a long time brother."

Ed sighed, and nodded in the darkness. "I know. I'm sorry… I guess I just forgot the time…"

"But, brother… It's snowing out there. You're going to catch a cold or something."

"You're right, Al," the twelve-year-old whispered despondently. "I'll go take a hot shower…"

His feet felt heavy as he dragged himself to the bathroom and shut the door. He wanted a shower so bad… Ed turned on the water and undressed himself. The smell of what had happened became stronger and he felt the urge to throw up.

Ed stepped into the shower and sat on the floor, letting the water spray down on him.

Dirty.

He felt dirty.

Used and dirty…

Ed reached out and made the water hotter, then grabbed the bar of soap and started scrubbing at his skin. Mustang's words filled his head and tears sprang unbidden to his eyes.

'_You're a very bad boy aren't you? What would your mother think if she knew...? And Alphonse... what would _he_ think?'_

Ed's small body shuddered as a sob broke from him.

'_You're quite the little whore aren't you?'_

The boy reached out and made the water hotter.

'_I know you like that... Who would have thought it of you?'_

He didn't notice when the soap ran out, nor did he notice when Al let himself into the bathroom.

"You've been in here for a long time brother. Are you almost done?"

The question didn't register in his brain. Instead, he reached out and turned the water even hotter.

Would he ever feel clean again?

When the shower curtain was pulled back, Ed jumped and pulled his knees into his chest, trying to hide himself…

"Brother! You're all red!" Ed watched in despair as a large metal hand turned the water off. "You're going to get burned!" Alphonse scolded worriedly, then wrapped a towel around him and helped Ed to his feet.

"Sorry…" Ed whispered. "Sorry… I guess… I guess I got colder than I thought out there and I was just trying to warm up…sorry…" He forced himself to smile at Al. He couldn't let his brother know…

Couldn't let _anyone_ know…


	4. Note

Originally posted on 1-30-07. Edits made on 11-11-07

_**PLEASE READ**_

**This story is discontinued on FF.N.**

The story is still be available at:  
**AFF.N  
LiveJournal **(It is posted under friend lock. If you wish to read it at LJ, simply friend the journal and you'll be friended back.)  
(See my profile for links)

I'm sorry to do this, but I decided this story is age inappropriate for this site. Not that ya'll can't get to it if you want anyway... I just really do not feel comfortable continuing this story on this site. Thank you all for reading up to this point and I'm sorry for the inconvenience of having to send you elsewhere to read this.

One last note: **This story is now complete.**

- ZaKai Stonewall


End file.
